This morning I started from home took my car and started driving to office. At a signal I was thinking about writing a post for ini and that very moment I remembered the two weeks time I spent with family for a special occasion and those memories filled my eyes and I couldn’t stop writing this post.
Couple of months before when I called mom, she said that some family is coming to ask my sister for marriage. I am too choosy when it comes to marriage and said no to last few proposals because of education and other factors about guys. My relatives hate me for that. But my mother understand what I am saying. My sister is a medical practitioner and worked really hard to be best in her studies. I told my mom that the best suite for her is a medical practitioner or an average engineer who is ready to accept challenge and courageous to stand by right in all means adn matters. Because I feel that competition (professional, social, economical,..etc) and jealousy in married couple would lead to bad family life. A guy who understand others and provide equal and good opportunity to grow need guts and courage in super successful marriage. Truly speaking its real sprit of marriage in Islam, equality n simplicity and I was just asking for that.
Next day when I called mom, she was happy and started talking about how everything is and getting planed. I just asked her to wait for a minute and asked what does my sister think about it. Mom asked me to ask myself because I am more open and close to my sister than others in family. She said, she did istikhara (seeking opinion from Allah SWT) and feel comfortable with it. I asked her again he is an engineer, have you thought about it. She said I feel comfortable. I congratulated her and asked her to send his details to me so that I can see how he is. Tech world is so small for me.
I talked to mom congratulated her and asked her to start moving ahead with official things like dates of marriage and Mahar (it is a right that is given to the woman, as enjoined by Islamic sharee’ah, as an expression of the man’s desire to marry her). We dont go into too many details to keep things as simple as possible. My dad and mom went to boys home and decided all things in one go and thats it. My sister was graduating in two months and third month her marriage was fixed.
My dad went back to Saudi for his work, I am in South Korea for work, others are busy with their work. My family is totally independent, everyone did their work till now, like admissions, study and other things. Don’t expect anything from anyone, it’s your work you should do it. Mom takes care of overall need of family and manages finances. Dad make money for family and make big decisions. Whole family runs in this ecosystem. But this is first marriage at home, but I felt we are same again. Its her marriage she will tell what and how to do. If she ask me I will try to do otherwise let her do on her own.
Mom and sister did everything together, everything mean everything you can imagine in marriage. They both bought cloth, mom stitched at home (because tailors don’t fit her standard of stitching cloth), sister ironed them and packed them. They made list of invitees, made invitation card on her own, corrected ordered and she distributed on her own. All on her own with mom.
I was first to reach home (just a week before). I am lazy and gave all lazy and easy to do ideas. I went with sister to post office to post rest of the invitations we wanted to send to her friends and our relatives. Did little bit of shopping. I kept talking to her and telling her my experience in life and always asking her to be patience and encourage her husband. I know she is a super girl, highly educated, super cool with religion and a great doctor. I was thinking about her husband, how can he handle all that. She will be more popular and in focus because of her professional and personal nature.
I thought to meet the hero before marriage so that I can understand how he is and how he can handle things ahead. Fortunately his father called us to meet and discuss things about marriage day and also informed about that his son is in the city. After night prayers I took my lovely brother and visited their home. We all hugged each other, and as this was my first visit their home the boys dad introduced all family members to me and then we sat and talk. I asked few things and loved the way he answered, I tried to see myself a couple of years back I would have did the same thing and answered same way. I was super happy and felt I got someone who can stand with me to inspire the world again. With little encouragement he will be doing great. I went home and started teasing sister.
Marriage plan was simple, formalities will be done at home after asr (prayer at 4PM) and khutaba nikah will be at masjid then the boy and his family would take their daughter in law. We agreed and returned home. After coming home mom said, do ask them to have dinner with us before they take our daughter. My brother said okie and then called them, he is like little father in family. They agreed to join us for dinner that night.
On the day of marriage, after the Asr prayers we started running, my brother called Qazi (incharge of islamic affairs) he came with papers and forms, and started filling them. When we completed formalities in men’s section ( which was our first floor) we moved to woman section (second floor of my home) to ask my sister about proposal and take her sign on marriage papers. The Qazi asked father to go with witnesses, I went up as I was witness.
Every step I climbed, I was lost in memories, how we grew up, how I used to carry her when she was young, and I used to avoid her when she cried because she was heavy. How I used to leave her in one place fixed to make sure she dont move and I go on play. How I was looking for MBBS admissions and how she moved for the first time to prepare for medical exam. How hard it was for her to stay in a new place for MBBS and how independently she did all. Stood as a good muslima, protected her and did great in her studies. She not only did hijab but complete her niqab and does everything to its perfection.
My little brother is a strong man, loved him for it. As my sister took pen to sign on papers she started crying, my mom was already crying, I am weak and love to cry, so I was just waiting to start. My eyes are still filled as I write this. My brother, sat on bed with pen and papers, asked her to sign no emotion totally perfect with that. Hugged her and said congratulations and told me lets go give this papers down so that we can start for masjid. Woow what a strength. I hugged my sister cried a bit and controlled a lot to make sure everyone is ok. My brother did the real magic, he common lets go it’s not time cry, she is not going anywhere, she was your daughter, is and will be. Just a more family added you got a son now. And bro. Zahid dont try to cry and you can not as its not your marriage. When you get married, I dont know how to handle your cry : D, all of a suddent everyone laughed including my sister. I said ok okie lets go.
Marriage happened at home with family members and relative and almost ten woman from boys side. We all had dinner together and they took her with her. I was just like a family gathering and totally on islamic norms. No useless expenses and no too much of show offs and no issues thanks to Allah and to the stand of the guy getting married. He did it the right way one good muslim should do. I buy good stuff for himself and his wife and took her with pride.
I was just thinking about my mom, who got my sister after three crazy boys, took care of her and she became her strength and in no time she was leaving her. She lost her friend, her family doctor, teacher for her younger children and a great moral support from around her. I wished I could be her daughter for rest of my her life. One independent woman, whose husband left her 24 yrs back for searching a life for family. Since then she took care of every single child she have and the family of her husband. Made sure that all them become educated, simple and contribute to the growth of world and make human life easier than before. She is real example for me to understand and see the result of constant effort and being patience for results to come. We all grownup got phds, doctors and show courage for biggest projects in the world but her effort, courage, patience and support make it look like nothing at all.
My mom and sister are two independent woman I have ever met in my life. As she was leaving home said to me, I am leaving you now you go to find someone who understand the idea of your world, bold and courageous, who can stand with you rest of life. And I pray for you to get the best in the world. I said you were my weakness, I kept comparing and leaving girls, now as you are not here I will find one who will replace you in a better way. We smiled and moved on in our lives.
I wish I could write more about them. But limitations of time busy life style is limiting it but I keep my memories for future, where I can compile them in a tale or novel. When I remember all this, my eyes fill with tears and my hurt pray for every single simple, independent girl to get a great family, that supports her, care for her and encourage her to move ahead in life in her husband and in her in laws.
This post is bit off the track but it’s a part of my personal life and I love to share it here at ini, because it’s my home too, with a larger family. I wish success to all its residents as I expect for my family. I pray and ask you all to pray for my and my sisters family for blessing and happiness.